Expectations

On the way to the Iowa State Fair on Wednesday our family was having a discussion about expectations and how what we expect shapes what we look for and what we look for shapes what we see. For example, if I expect the girls to be squirrely or out of control at inappropriate times, I'll look for that behavior so I can intervene to stop it, and since I'm looking for it, I'll probably see it.

The conversation caused me to think about what expectations I have right now for God. What do I expect God to be doing? Most of the time, I'd answer this with things that I expect God to be doing in the lives of those around me. I expect God to be comforting my friend who lost his dad. I expect God to be working in the hearts and lives of those in our congregation. At a closer level, I expect God to be helping our family as we transition to the start of the school year and as we process through a tough season of anniversaries of loss.

At seminary we read Psalm 139 many times. My prayer is that I also expect God to be doing this:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
 test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
 and lead me in  the way everlasting.
-Psalm 139:23-24

As I expect, I look, and as I look, I will see the ways God is searching me, knowing me, testing me, and leading me. I expect that I will respond with obedience.

What are your expectations?

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Note: I struggled with the idea of stating expectations of God. God is so big and beyond my capacity to comprehend. I'm not intending to make God fit into my expectations because that would be ridiculous. But, I do want to interact with God in a way that indicates we have a relationship and relationships are full of expectations.

Sinsinawa Mound Center in rural Wisconsin

Today our God's Redemptive Mission class got to go to Sinsinawa Mound, a Dominica Sisters convent just inside Wisconsin. We got about three and a half hours to spend away from our studies doing whatever we wanted to do to connect with God. It was wonderful. I spent most of the time on hiking trails enjoying nature. I made a couple phone calls to connect with people I'd been thinking about, and did a little prayer coloring (no, I'd never done that before). Several of the things I experienced I'm not going to share, because either I don't want to or time is too short (I still have reading and paper to write tonight), but I want to share a few things.

First, I saw a cute little blue butterfly and I wanted to take a picture but it wouldn't hold still with its wings open. After a minute or two trying, I gave up and just enjoyed looking at it. A minute or two later, I saw a huge, beautiful yellow butterfly (pictured). So, I realize that if I'd taken the time to capture the first, I may have missed the one that was more beautiful. There's a lesson in that.

Second, I was thinking about how when people do landscaping (not me because I don't do much landscaping) we tend to pick all the pretty parts of nature and arrange them just right based on what we think looks the best. Outside in the woods, in real nature, things are much more of a mess. There are beautiful flowers and insects and other lovely things, but there are also rotting trees, giant limbs that block the path, piles of brush, etc. That stuff isn't so pretty, and isn't as appreciated, but the mess is also natural and necessary. It's real. Reminds me that sometimes life is messy too, and that's natural and necessary as well.

Third, the trail I was on ran alongside a county road at one point and there was a driveway. The driveway had ominous signs saying "Private Property: NO Trespassing", but the gates were all open. In John 10:9-10 Jesus says, "I am the gate. Whoever enters by me will be saved, and will come in and go out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." Because of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection, all who believe can go in where it formerly said "NO Trespassing". The gate is wide open for access to full and abundant life!

It was a wonderful day. The weather was great; a little warm, but in the shade of the trees, it was really nice. Thank you, God, for all your many blessings!

A little mandala I colored while praying for a loved one.

Week One was Wonderful

The first week of my first August Intensive at seminary is over. It's been refreshing and wonderful while also exhausting and difficult. I am going to pick a few highlights to share with you.

1. 

   We each received a shell out of
   a bowl of water at the Renewal of
   Baptism service. It's a good
   tangible reminder that we belong
   to God.

   God is big. I am pretty conservative (that's something else I've learned). Our cohort is a great group of diverse people; we have different gifts, backgrounds, and specific callings but one Lord. We are also a fun and loving group intent on learning together from one another. On Monday, we celebrated our baptism and affirmed our calls together. On Friday, in "God's Redemptive Mission" class we talked about Christendom, when the church and state were merged and spreading together, and about the Crusades where non-Christians were killed. It wasn't new knowledge, but it never gets easier to hear. We've been reading Psalm 139 every day in class and on Friday, I was struck by the last half of verse 8: "if I make my bed in Sheol [think "Hell"], you [God] are there." The Church has certainly made her bed in hell a time or two, but God hasn't left. He is big...bigger than our inadequacies and mistakes.
2. The Bible has a lot to say. Together with two from my cohort (and, incidentally, also from my suite), I took part in a reading contest on Wednesday evening. It's called the Mihelic Reading Competition. I have no idea what Mihelic means, maybe a name of someone? There's just not enough time to ask all the questions that run through my mind on any given day so I didn't find out. Anyway, we were give Habakkuk 3 to read as we would read in front of the congregation on a Sunday. Some of us did some opening remarks or prayed first, some used liturgical responses at the end, etc. There a prize associated with the contest, but it's not clear what the prize is (at least I don't know; another question I didn't find an answer to), but it's not announced until May. Hopefully it will be free tuition and room/board for next August intensive. :) Anyway, while I like competition, I didn't participate to win, but rather to have the experience. I figure that having an extra chance to read scripture in front of an audience is good, and it was. What I really enjoyed, though, was the experience of hearing all the other readers read the same passage. I believe there were about a dozen of us, so we heard the same scripture more than ten times. Each time, there was something new to hear. The same thing has occurred each day in class when we read the same Psalm. Note: if you're not reading your Bible often, get after it. Read and listen what God has to say to you.

3. 

   We went up the "steepest railroad track in the country" to get
   to this view. It is spectacular!

   Dubuque is beautiful. The river is so pretty. We went to a restaurant last night and ate on the patio overlooking the water. There were several boats out with their lights on. It was peaceful. Earlier yesterday we went to the farmer's market (it is HUGE) and then went up the rail to overlook the city. Again, it is so pretty to lookout over the bluff and see the river.
4. Graduate school is hard. You wouldn't know it after reading #3, but this intensive is intense! Except for one book for research methods, which I've determined to treat as a reference book, I'm now caught up on reading for where I should have been before Friday afternoon (it's Sunday afternoon - so two days "late"). We are in class 8-5:45 (except for chapel and lunch mid-day) and then have a few chapters to read and a paper to write each night. I told my professor that I feel like I need to write at the top of each paper "My apologies, Dr. Lewis. This paper is horrible." But really, I'm doing my best; there's lots of information and lots of formation. It's going well. 
5. I'm thankful for much! The seminary provides an excellent lunch each day, for which I'm very thankful because I wouldn't take the time to nourish myself as well as they do. I'm also thankful for my new friend Chrisy. She's a certified PiYo instructor so I get to do PiYo workouts with her to get my blood flowing in the mornings. I have wonderful suite-mates. We laugh and talk and cry together. The professors are excellent. They're super caring and always prepared. They work together well. I've enjoyed them all. My favorite part of the day is when we are led in scripture reading, prayer, meditation, etc by Dr. Forshey. This morning when we walked in to church, one of our professors was a greeter and she cried out "Yea, so happy to see you! These are more of my students!" and proceeded to give us hugs. I'm thankful for my family, those related to be by blood and those of my spiritual family. We are all in this together for the Glory of God. 

Thank you for your love and prayers. Thank you for reading. God bless each of you!